Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
