and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
