Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
