I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
