I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
