I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
