sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
