Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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