I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
