I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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