i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
