Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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