My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
