omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
