You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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