Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
