i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
