You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
