I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
