Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
