threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
