Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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