He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
