I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
