Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

people would bow to what i just did to her vagina

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(503): View more from Oregon

At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.

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(214): View more from Texas

I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

(1-214): View more from Texas

that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple

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(845): View more from New York

You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.

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(835): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now

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