for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
