He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
