he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
