Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
