Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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