just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
