i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
