she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
