I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ugly people sure do ruin things
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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