Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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