Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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