Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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