I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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