He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
