the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
