nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
