I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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