how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
