she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
