I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
