So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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