Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
