if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
