Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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