Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
