new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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