I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
