...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
