guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
