U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
