And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
