It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dear god my vagina.
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