That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
