Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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