He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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