my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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