don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
