if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
