I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
