This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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