I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
