I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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